My dear, I know why Santa’s so jolly at the time. Old Kris Kringle isn’t smiling because he has the best job in the world – hell, delivering billions of presents to kids around the world in less than a day has to come with at least a dash of some good old American job-hate. Nah… The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. But don’t go telling old Mrs. Claus or the kids...

My dear, There is just enough bullshit to hold things together in this country. Bullshit is the glue, that binds us as a nation. Where would we be without our safe, familiar, American bullshit? Land of the free, home of the brave, the American dream, all men are equal, justice is blind, the press is free, your vote counts, business is honest, the good guys win, the police are on your side, God is watching you, your standard of living will...

My dear, Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. And what you eventually learn from life is that they’re all sweaty things… I mean petty things. Boy, wouldn’t that be weird if everything was sweaty. Gives a whole new meaning to, “It’s a wet, wet world,” doesn’t it? Falsely yours, George Denis Patrick...

My dear, The American Dream is not the American Reality. The American Dream is that anyone who lives in America is given fair and equal opportunities to get farther in life, to take care of their families, and to strike it rich. The American Reality is that 1% of Americans own over 42% of the wealth, minorities face conditions that makes it ten times as harder for them to live the life they were promised, and the system in place is there...

My dear, It’s never just a game when you’re winning. Have you ever heard a winner demean their triumphs? Anything can be taken seriously, especially games. It’s never just basketball when you’re in the NBA. It’s never just football when you’re in the NFL. It’s never just a game of hitting the ball back and forth when you’re a pro ranked tennis player. If you’re winning, to you it’s not a...